Last weekend, Adam and I celebrated five years of marriage. We decided to renew our vows, sitting hand in hand on the front porch of our Nashville rental house. Me in jean shorts and a tee shirt, tears streaming off my face and Adam starting on one knee, asking me if I’d marry him all over again.
But let’s rewind a little. Marriage is not all romance and flowers and date nights. Much like being a parent, marriage is damn hard work. Everyday you wake up and decide if you still want to be with the person sleeping next to you. Some days he shows his flaws - some days you show yours. Most days actually. You’ll go through your greatest joys (baby’s first giggle or first steps) and your lowest lows (the depths of depression, loss, and hurt).
You’ve decided to live your lives together and life is hard. Really. Hard. And hard is different to everyone. Some of us have money troubles or health problems or addicitions or not enough hours in the day. There are hurt feelings, silent treatments and bitterness. We do no service to others to pretend that we’re always happy. It’s the times we’re most upset that contrast so beautifully with the reallyˆreally good moments.
I have learned it’s possible to fall in love over and over again. Not because I’ve fallen out of love, but because Adam has taught me a new way to love, and it grows deeper each time.
Adam is the one person in the entire world that truly allows me to be myself. The impressions and silly voices, the jokes, the tears, the depression, the childlike joy, the everything. He sees me for who I am and encourages me to let more of the world see me that way. He celebrates my weirdness. I celebrate his.
My husband teaches me to breathe in the fresh air more deeply, to savour each bite of life a little more, to do because doing is fun, not because anything needs to be achieved or documented or posted.
I love my husband and I love being married to him. I love the highs, the lows and the inbetween. I love being his wife and encouraging him do good, to be his best, have a better day. I cannot imagine life without him.
The first time, the last time, the next time and for all time - I love you Adam.
