Beatrix Dot Quirk

Welcome to the world, darling daughter! Beatrix Dot Quirk was born on January 11, 2017 after a powerful, peaceful and joyful labor and birth. It was the most emotionally healing experience and best day of my life! 

I didn’t anticipate writing a birth story at all - mainly because with my son Felix I was stuck in my own head and not in the moment for so much of his birth (read about it here). I knew for Bea I wanted to be more present and luckily - that’s exactly what happened! So now that she’s four weeks old and I’ve processed everything, let me tell you more about it!

The morning of my 40th week appointment (and two days past my due date) I woke up early to some light contractions that were worth timing - about six minutes apart. They eventually faded enough to fall back asleep. We went to see the doctor as planned and I was at an emotional low after weeks of prodromal contractions (also called “false labor” even though nothing about them feels fake!) The doctor assured us we’d have the baby within a week and offer to sweep the membranes to see if that might jump start things. This is not comfortable. At all. But it worked! Within two hours I was having light contractions every three minutes. I could talk, walk and eat around them so I tried to just go about my day as normal while my sister and her husband came over for lunch and to play with Felix. We called the doctor and he suggested we come in for an exam so around 5pm we made our way to the hospital. 

For my initial check I could tell I wasn’t very far dilated (I asked them not to tell me, for fear of a low number deflating my mood) and I was right. After two hours observation we were sent home to sleep in our beds for the night, which in hindsight was a great decision! I took a warm bath, had a bowl of soup and got a good seven hours of sleep before waking up the next morning to the real deal. 

These contractions were different. I’d call them… primal? Deep into the core of my existence primal. We didn’t waste much time going back to the hospital, which is only a few minutes from our home. I was really emotional - sobbing, shaking, not sure if this baby was minutes or hours away. My doctor was on the floor so he checked to see where we were at and gave my husband a big smile (I still didn’t want to know my progress report unless it was promising). While the nurses helped me get checked in, I asked Adam to just tell me if it was a “good” number or not and he said I was in active labor at 5.5cm dilated. Yes!! It was probably around 8am at that point.

I had intentions of going for an intervention free birth but within an hour or so my leg and hip muscles were so fatigued I told Adam I thought I should have an epidural. He reminded me of my plans but also told me I had the highest pain tolerance of anyone he knew, so if I was serious, we should go for it. We didn’t have a deep conversation at this point, but one of the things that came up was why I really wanted the natural birth in the first place and my answer - bragging rights - later revealed a lot to me. I need to write a full post about it, but let’s just move on for the time being. I decided to get an epidural and I’m so glad I did.

Although… it did come with some hiccups. I’m going to make this long story short. The first attempt to place the epidural didn’t work and punctured my dura, so I got more of a spinal block than the numbing of a normal epidural. The doctor removed it and replaced it (at which point I was completely paralyzed from that point down anyway but weirdly felt like I was falling off the bed). When all was said and done, the epidural medication blocked pain but not feeling if that makes any sense. I could wiggle my feet and toes around and eventually move my knees from side to side. I felt the baby moving down down down and pushing and everything, but without any pain. If that sounds amazing, it was, but the side effect was an insanely painful headache after I delivered that lasted a week. Yikes. At the time thought - it was awesome! 

Ok! Back to the labor bit. After my epidural was in place and I was comfortably numb I had another exam and whoa! 9cm. A short while later I was complete and the baby was at +1 station (+4 is delivery). This was around noon and then my doctor had me labor down for a few more hours (medical speak for letting my body just do the work?) I kept feeling like the baby was getting really close and kept asking to be checked and also asked if any babies had ever just slid right out? because that’s what it felt like (for not being able to feel much.)

Physical feelings aside, the main thing I remember from that afternoon was how happy I felt - I had this enormous smile on my face the whole time. I felt so peaceful and joyful - really unlike anything else I’d felt in my life. It was euphoric! 

Around 4pm it was go time.  The nurses called the doctor and as he was getting ready outside of the room, my main nurse was all like “Oh wow! there’s the head, Doctor! Come in here now!” I pushed three times and she shot out all once like a cannonball. The doctor literally had to catch her. And my water didn’t break on it’s own either - the doctor had to do that right before we started the pushing phase (which lasted less than 5 minutes). The quick birth wasn’t without injury (ouch) but with my daughter in my arms (and still really numb) I couldn’t feel a thing. 

The numbers are blurry, but I estimate I was in early labor for at least 20 hours before the active phase and then another 10 before her birth. The early contractions were child’s play compared to the intensity of the actual birth day and hallelujah for western medicine. Because of it I didn’t just get through the birth of my daughter - I really loved the experience. 

I held Beatrix for an hour before they did any of the necessary checks and it was the best hour of my life. I will never forget the look on my husband’s face and I will never forget how powerful and healing the experience was for me. It was absolutely one of the best days of my life. 

Pregnancy Update | Forty Plus One

Greetings from the land of forty weeks pregnant, plus one more day. There’s no rounding down at this point -  I’ve been anticipating January 8th on the calendar for months, then weeks, then days, and now, the page has turned and it’s come and gone. 

These last few weeks are rough. Not just because your body is doing the important work of preparing to give birth, easily one of the most monumental physical occasions in a woman’s life, but because the mental and emotional strain is huge.

This precious time is often overlooked by baby books or doctors. We’re more prepared to have our hospital bags ready early, than to stick around patiently in the last days before our dear babies arrive. I’ve been googling each and every twinge, burp, headache, backache and trip to the bathroom for the past five weeks. Yes, Baby Center, I know contractors and breaking your water means you’re in labor. But what about insane crying jags. Does that mean one more day or one more week? Very thirsty? Could that be a sign of labor? Super tired? Craving egg salad sandwiches with sprouts? 

It. is. exhausting. 

Never mind that we actually have scurried around to get our bags packed, started timing contractions, tallied up the “you might be in labor when…” signals only to have everything cool down and fizzle out. The first time was at 35 weeks, which my doctor casually brushed off as the stomach bug that was going around (he was right). On New Years Day we took a walk through the woods as a family of three and it felt like it would be a beautiful day to have a baby! Eight minutes, then six, the contractions kept rolling. Then stopped. Then yesterday, while at the grocery, I had to lean over the salami counter to get through a contraction. More excited than fearful, my husband and I looked at each other with a wave of finally!!! written all over our faces. 

It’s so hard not to overanalyze each and every little thing or to consider ways to induce labor. It’s hard to be content at 40 weeks pregnant. 

Harder yet is managing all of the well meaning, but incredibly frustrating questions about how you’re feeling, are you in labor, is the baby there yet? which are all from a place of love but make you feel like you’re on deadline for something entirely out of your control. I wish women weren’t given due dates and instead birth months and kept wondering. The counting down, arranging for help with older kids, and being pregnant when no wants to be on call (Christmas Eve, New Years Eve) all add to the pressure pregnant women internalize. Even the most balanced woman is on jet fueled hormonal cocktail that makes her want to throw dishes across the room and punch things (errr… maybe just me). 

A week ago I was sent this great article, written by a midwife, about the precious time between pregnancy and labor. She uses the German word, zwischen, meaning between, to describe these days and weeks. I found reading it to be incredibly helpful. Maybe you will too. Here’s the link. 

But she’s still in there, still getting ready. Because I’m attempting a natural VBAC, my doctor won’t use any medical resources (read: drugs) to induce, so I’ve researched what may work that I can do at home. And every day, I decide to just wait it out a little longer. To just let my body and by baby make the call. To get out of my own head. The world of medicine seems so scientific, but the mystery of going into spontaneous labor is just that - a mystery. We will wait and see. 

The First Trimester

WhatIWore: The first trimester of pregnancy threw me for one hell of a loop. I had an old copy of What To Expect When You’re Expecting on hand, along with the ap on my phone and I dangerously fed my curiousity by reading mommy-to-be forums all over the internet (don’t do it!) I eventually asked Adam to check my symptoms instead of scaring myself to death reading things online.  I also keep regular lists of questions and concerns for my doctor and midwife, plus have their office number programmed into my phone. 

Here are some of the things I dealt with and how I got through them (or at least how I tried!)

Food Aversions This was by far, my biggest issue. At exactly 7 days into my annual Whole 30, the sight of chicken breast would make me gag and veggies just didn’t sound good. I didn’t make any announcements, but I prompted quit the Whole 30. I read about women who were able to tough it out, but eating for me became miserable, and I’m a women who loves to eat and huge portions at that. My sense of smell has also become a lot more powerful and for that, I couldn’t be in the kitchen for more than making scrambled eggs.  

Here’s what helped: simple, slightly salty snacks like pretzel sticks or saltines let me get something into my stomach. Half the problem was that I was always hungry, but didn’t crave anything.  Next, I’d advise you to not over do the foods that do work. For me, I got into a rice phase and quickly got over it. Next was the mashed potatoes (now the smell of them makes me gaggy). I made big steps when I craved Chipotle, but again, I’ve had too much and can’t stomach it now.  Fruits were also key! Bananas are easy to digest and pack in carbs, which I needed (because I was losing weight from not being able to eat, which is not uncommon for the first trimester). I also went on a binge with cherries, which were awesome.  Other than the sweet, tangy fruits, everything else I ate was bland or straight up junk food (when your pregnant wife craves pork dumplings, give her pork dumplings!) Your baby’s needs are pretty small at this point, so just eat what you can to keep your energy going (and take your prenatal vitamins!)

This lasted almost exactly from 6 to 11 weeks and I’m thrilled it’s over.

Slowed Digestion (TMI) Probably the most annoying part of pregnancy has been the huge slow down in my digestive system. My pre-pregnancy diet was so high in fiber filled fruits and veggies that I never had any issues in this department, but it’s a common complaint from pregnant women.  The slow down is nature’s design - letting your digestive track absorb even more nutrients into your system.

Frustratingly, NO ONE REALLY TALKS ABOUT THIS, yet it’s on your mind ALL OF THE TIME.  You read about it in your pregnancy books, but it’s not exactly polite conversation to have at a dinner party. 

Here’s what helped: After not eating much gluten or bread products for all of 2013, I did NOT want to go that route, but found that a high fiber, whole wheat bread really helped me (I like Ezekial 4:9 Whole Grain). I ate it with almond butter or with eggs in the morning. I have now added in a slice or two every other morning or so. 

Kiwis are delicious, sweet and also reputed to help move things along. I really enjoyed having one with breakfast when I could stomach it. 

My doctor said to try prune juice on the rocks, but I actually got into white grape juice instead! Because it has so much sugar, I limit myself to a small class. Loads of water is good if you can handle it, but like many other things, too much sloshing around in my stomach was unpleasant. 

I gave up coffee when I found out I was expecting, by accident, actually! I like Hazelnut coffee and was drinking that at my parent’s house over the holidays and later realized it was decaf! It was a nice transition off caffeine, but I still like a hot drink in the mornings. The solution: hot lemon water! It’s also reputed to help speed things up, but it was a nice way to get fluids and lemon usually doesn’t upset pregnant women’s senses. 

And the best thing that’s helped me here (TMI warning!): Using a short stool under your feet when it’s time to go. For thousands of years, people would squat to go #2 and now our comfort level toilets don’t position our bodies in our naturally evolved stance. 

Extreme Exhaustion: I’m pretty happy with going to bed at 9 or 10 at night and sleeping a solid 8, 9 or 10 hours each night, but since I’ve been pregnant, I’ve added a 2-3 hour nap in each day. I realize I’m very lucky to have a flexible schedule, but I don’t know how I would have survived without all that sleep.

Here’s what helped: Resigning the notion that I needed a clean house, perfect outfit photos (or photos at all! Notice how I was so MIA this winter?) or to keep social commitments when i didn’t feel well. I’m a pretty high energy person by nature and felt so lazy early on, until I realized listening to my body was the only way to go. I’m happy I did!

Giant and Tender Boobs: It takes 3-4 months before your baby bump shows (or longer!), but your breasts immediately begin to swell up and grow when you’re pregs. Hormones cause your boobs to grow throughout your pregnancy in preparation for nursing your baby, but for the first few months, your ta tas are so sore and tender!

What helped me: I used to go all the time without wearing a bra around the house, to bed or under summer dresses. Not anymore. I ALWAYS wear a bra, usually a soft cotton sports bra around the house and at night. It gives your girls the support you need and decreases a lot of the soreness.  Truth be told, I’ve actually liked this symptom, because I constantly wondered if I was still pregnant. Boob check? Still sore! Ok!

Worry and Anxiety: One of the biggest components to my pregnancy has been a huge weight of worry on my shoulders. I’ve never said anything about this online, but I had a miscarriage a couple of years ago and learned about it at our first ultrasound at 8 weeks.  This is another thing no one ever talks about, but it’s quite common early on. One in four women has a miscarriage, sometimes without knowing it. When it happened to us, we were devastated and it took a long time to grieve privately. Needless to say, that has added an extra amount of worry to my first trimester.

Here’s what helped: Changing my mindset. Babies are a straight up miracle! There are so many pieces that have to come together, in just the right circumstances for a baby to grow and develop, and yet, look at our world’s population! Babies are being born! For as many things that could go wrong, look at the billions of times they went right.  My midwife said something to me that just put it into perspective. She told me “There’s nothing you can do to mess this up or make it work. It will just happen.” Outside of common sense prenatal health (no booze, no Advil, eating good foods, taking your vitamins, resting), it’s out of your hands!  Knowing that worrying wouldn’t make anything change, I’ve done my best to give it up (it’s not easy and it’s still something I struggle with!) I’ve also worked with my doctor to have my progesterone levels checked as we’ve been going (all good) and that’s given me a little more piece of mind.  This is by far the hardest thing to keep in check (all expectant mothers worry!) but it doesn’t make me happier to go down a rabbit hole of bad thoughts.

Having a supportive partner has been so important too. Adam looks me straight in the eye and says “you’re pregnant!!” (and I believe him) and won’t entertain any of my “what if scenarios” which helps settle me down.

Another thing that has brought me a lot of peace are Ina May Gaskin’s books (Ina May's Guide to Childbirth and Spiritual Midwifery). They make pregnancy feel normal and natural instead of scary or something that needs to be cured. What To Expect has been good as a reference, but I’d advise against reading it cover to cover (it’s rather alarmist in my opinion). The free iPhone ap and website cover much of what’s in the book as well. 

Keeping Your Secret in Social Settings: I found out I was pregnant on Christmas Eve. We have been wanting a baby for three years and as I mentioned before, had some bum luck. I thought it would be so cool if I found out I was pregnant and could tell Adam on Christmas morning, so once I was one day late, I ran to the store for a test. I’ve probably bought two dozen of these over the years, so I never get my hopes too far up there, but lo and behold, we were finally PREGNANT!!  We told our immediate families during Christmas and then waited until about 10 weeks to tell our close friends and business partners. I also told my trainer at the gym to give him a heads up on taking things easier and being more exhausted. Adam was dying to tell people, so he mentioned it to a few friends here and there but I’ve been a lot more on the shy side to spill to more people.

Here’s what helped: There’s no set “right” time to share your good news. A lot of parents wait until they’ve entered the second trimester, when the risk of miscarriage drops significantly. Sharing our good news in person has been the most joyous thing for us and we started by telling our close family, then closest friends and then let grandma/grandpa tell extended family before we mentioned anything online.  At the end of the day, it’s your business and it’s up to you how to share!

PRO TIP: Never ever ask a woman if she’s pregnant. EVER.  If and when she is expecting, let her be the one to give away the good news. Weirdly enough, this seems to happen way too much (although it only happened with me when I had was not pregnant and only by randos online). Bad manners! 

If you’re not a drinker, it’s easy to keep your friends from wondering, but my group of friends likes to imbibe so getting together for birthdays, basketball and playoff games was kind of tough. Luckily, we had our annual Whole30 excuse on hand! Since both Adam and I were sober, no one had any reason to wonder, which was great. After January, I always played designated driver or just said I was getting over a headache or whatever.  Also, drink your water in a cocktail glass with a garnish. Most people won’t notice! 

Now What? I’m quickly realizing that each stage of the game brings on new changes and challenges and am learning daily how to adapt. Despite being uncomfortable from time to time, it’s all so completely worth it! 

Fine Print: I’m not a doctor or health care provider. This material is not intended to diagnose or treat any health or pregnancy related issues. Always ask your OB/midwife before starting or changing any new health regimen.