MoM | Breastfeeding & Weaning

Let’s talk breastfeeding! It’s a topic I’m passionate about and my aim with this post is to share my experience and offer support and resources for women that might not have them at their disposal within their own families or communities. I want to be a part of normalizing a very natural thing! 

How a mother feeds her child can bring up a lot of emotions - it’s a complicated issue! I believe that it’s possible to be supportive of all methods of feeding - whether you choose the route or the route is chosen for you. So if you’re an exclusive breastfeeder for 1 day or 1 year or you use bottles and formula or donor milk or any combination in between, mother to mother, I support you. Being a new mom is the hardest job on the planet and the last thing she needs is anyone’s judgment for doing what works best for her and her baby.

If for some reason you’re not into boobs or babies, I won’t be offended if you skip this post! There will be photos of a real, live human child (Felix) on a real life human breast (Mine!) so you’ve been warned! 

Initial Hurdles

I made an initial plan to nurse for six weeks and then re-evaluate. Breastfeeding does not come easily to most women - including me. Our first days were a big struggle and we used donor milk from our hospital while staying there and bought another 100 ounces home with us. I had a cesarean birth and my milk supply took a little longer than normal to come in, which isn’t unusual with that type of delivery. Felix did latch on and nurse when I was first able to hold him and some blood work showed us he was getting a little colostrum. Later while I was recovering in the hospital and my baby cried for more, patient nurses helped express milk (or colostrum) into a spoon and then feed it to Felix. As happy as I was with a healthy child, I was also grieving the C-section and was hell bent on making nursing work! 

For the donor milk we rigged up a supplimental nursing system and a nipple shield so it felt like I was nursing. I was pumping regularly (using an amazing Medela Symphony we rented from the hospital) and within five days I had enough supply to feed the baby and discontinue donor milk. That was a big deal for us! 

Felix’s latch still wasn’t great and I used a shield for at least the first six weeks. You hear women say nursing “shouldn’t feel like anything” and eventually - yeah! - but at first it’s not pleasant! And those cluster feeding seasons can do a number on your sensitive breasts! 

Major Complications

Around that six week point was when we moved towards latching without the shield but by week eight we were in big trouble. I wrote a couple posts about it (here and here) but long story short, I had a plugged duct, then asymptomatic mastitis, an abscess and an incision and drainage surgery. I toyed with the idea of weaning (and my surgeon recommended it eventually) but something in the core of my being would not quit. My milky wound leaked breastmilk 24/7 for weeks. Instead of a bandage I used overnight pads and had to change them every few hours, including waking up in the middle of the night. I weaned down to two sessions on that breast and the other side took up all the slack. Eventually the drain came out, the wound closed up and we got back to business on my left boob. 

Our Nursing Timeline

And then… we just nursed! Because I am home with Felix most of the time, I’d just nurse on demand. I did keep pumping here and there (more frequently when I was teaching a course at IU and was gone for 4 hours two days a week) but discontinued that at 7 months. Honestly, it’s a pain in the ass. I’d rather just cuddle up and do a boobie nap than put Felix down and drag out the pump. Pumping mothers, I salute you! 

The rest of the timeline went like this:

• Five Months: Introduced solid foods
  
• 14 Months: Begin Night Weaning
  
• 15 Months: Night Weaned
  
• 16 Months, One Week: Completely Weaned
  

Support and Resources

I don’t think I would have continued to nurse as long if it weren’t for the supportive folks around me. I nursed in my home without a nursing cover in front of my family, and they never made me feel like I had to leave the room or at all uncomfortable. Thank you family! The Bloomington community is very accepting of breastfeeding and there was never a time in public I ever felt ashamed or embarrassed. I’ve always had a go to response ready if someone ever confronted me (”It is my legal right to breastfeed my child in public in the state of Indiana.” Then smile.) I also skipped any sort of nursing cover ups both at home and in public. I found the two tee layering method (a v-neck under another top) was modest and discreet! I’m sure people had no idea I was nursing at all some of the time! Thank you B-Town!

My local professionals, Anne Marie Neely, IBLCE and Mary Ann Martin, INLCE were a huge help - offering free advice to all women formerly through BABS and now through Milk Matters: A Drop in Gathering for Mothers and Babies. Thank you both for your invaluable encouragement and advice! 

Online, my best resource was the site KellyMom.com, which I checked dozens of times. 

Weaning

Our first step was to increase Felix’s calories through solid foods and cow’s milk. This helped him stay full through the night and that was how we made our first long stretches between his meals. It definitely took a while and I still nursed him 24/7 until he was 15 months old. 

Felix didn’t really like milk at first and I can understand why! Breast milk is delicious, warm and custom made for your baby. We also didn’t do a lot of bottles between 6-12 months and that probably added to the problem. In the end we found that the Philips Avent Training Cup with a rubber sippy cup style top worked best for Felix. Trial and error on that one! 

As he became more accustomed to cows milk and was eating bigger solid meals, I’d drop a nursing session here and there. I kept on with his nap and bedtime feedings without fail but could get through the morning and late afternoon without nursing. It’s hard when the boobie solves everything. Nursing can be a lifesaver in a lot of situations. Whining in public: boobie. Falls and starts crying: boobie. Mommy exhausted and wants to watch a nap and Fixer Upper on demand: boobie. 

The other factor influencing my weaning schedule was an 8 day vacation in January. Honestly, if I didn’t have a solid stop time, I would have kept going. And truth time - I did nurse him one day after I got back from my trip… and even 8 days later my milk still came in! The human body is an amazing thing. Then I remembered how great I felt once weaned, so we did the sign for “all gone” and said that to him when he’d cry “BEEEEEEE”

Now we’ve gone over two weeks and I can confidently say we’re done. I was ready and I think Felix is ok with it. Old habits die hard and it would be way easier to do nap time with boobie, but we’re forging onwards.

Other Issues

My concern when weaning was getting a plugged duct, mastitis or becoming really engorged again but none of those things happened. Going gradually was a good idea for us. What did knock me off my chair was the hormonal disruption. Just reducing our nursing schedule by one session a day seemed to have an effect on my mood. Now a few weeks later I’ve also been feeling a little sad, which I’m attributing to the reduction in oxytocin (love hormones!) from breastfeeding. 

So that’s my breastfeeding story! I’m so proud of nursing my son to 16 months despite the hardships. If you’re at all considering breastfeeding - I hope you do it and find local support to give yourself the best shot possible. And I want to repeat, because it’s very important for moms to know this, no matter how you feed your child, you’re doing a good job. Feeding methods do not define motherhood. 

I hope my own next time around is a little (a lot!) easier and I’m going to start with the same short term goals and see how things go. You never know! 

The Angry Boob

WhatIWore: Last week was, by far, the worst week of my life. I had a severe infection that ended up in surgery and five days of hospitalization. I don’t want to write this post as a pity party, but because my symptoms were abnormal and when I googled the living hell out of what I was going through and found nothing, I wanted to share in hopes that no other woman will ever go through what I did. I won’t spare the gory details, so if that’s not your thing, (or you’re my dad or a future employer!), scroll on down to an outfit post.

This whole thing started three weeks ago when i woke up with two super painful lumps on my breast and hurt way too bad to let baby latch. I switched to pumping, called and left messages for two different lactation consultants and thought I might have swollen or enflamed Montgomery glands.  Both nursing and pumping were agony so I resorted to hand expression, but couldn’t keep up and my breast became very engorged. Through the whole week I did everything I could to reduce the swelling and wailed in agony through trying to nurse off of that side. The breast was tender and a little red, but the rest of my body was ok. No other symptoms. I was going on daily walks and decided I felt recovered  enough from birth to start going to the gym again the following week. By Thursday I finally got some help and through lymphatic massage, got the swelling totally down and was back to nursing Felix, but I still had four suspicious bumps (about the size of a lentil) on that breast.

The following Wednesday at Nurse and Chat I had the LC take a look and she immediately diagnosed these as plugged ducts. She gave me some pointers (hot compresses, massage, nursing frequently) and we were able to get one out that morning. I went home feeling really hopeful to get everything back to normal. I followed a routine diligently waking up every 2-3 hours at night and nursing what felt like all day long.

Then on Saturday, it hit me. I felt like lightning bolts were shooting through my breast. I was in complete agony and put in a call to my doctor’s office. My midwife got back to me in minutes and wrote a perscription for an antibiotic and painkillers, thinking I might have mastitis, an infection in the breast. She told me to call her in the morning if my condition worsened.

In tears, I texted her around 7am, we followed up with a call and set up a meeting at the hospital for noon. Up until then I had been able to pump on that breast all night, but got less and less milk each time.  When she saw me, she knew right away I needed an ultrasound and feared I had developed an abscess.  I was admitted to the post partum ward of the hospital so Felix and Adam could be with me (baby is exclusively breast fed and I was able to feed him entirely on my right side when it was too painful on the left). I also had bloodwork done to check my white blood cell counts.

The ultrasound didn’t show an abscess but they wanted to get me on IV antibiotics right away, which meant I was going to stay at least two days. The pain I felt at that time made natural labor seem like a massage. It felt like someone had cut off my nipple with dull craft scissors. It was excrutiating pain, even on a high dose of Norco, so they switched me to Percoset. Because they were waiting on the ultrasound results (to possibly to into surgery that night), I couldn’t eat for the majority of the day. When I finally got the ok, I was ravenous so I really went for it and one of the nurses ordered me a bunch of comfort food that wasn’t on the normal cafeteria menu. 

Unfortunately, the cocktail of meds I was on caused me severe nausea, so I kept getting sick and couldn’t hold anything down, but still needed to take my medicine. We tried to figure out if it was the antibiotics or the pain killers that made me so sick and ended up going back to the Norco (which I also had after Felix was born). It was absolute hell. I finally got a fever and the aches and pains associated with mastitis that night. I was freezing cold, weak, nauseous and a general mess. Luckily we were able to supplment Felix donor milk during this time, but that led to another problem - a super swollen and engorged left breast.

Every few hours during the day, a lactation consultant helped me to pump and massage my super angry boob, which became meaner and more mad every day. 

On the fourth day in the hospital, the antibiotics caused the infection to coalesce into an abscess, so back to ultrasound to get a clear picture of what we were working with and off to surgery for an I+D (incision and drainage). It ended up being about a golf ball sized mass, and a drain was inserted to help the fluids escape.

And that’s where I am now. I have what looks like a straw sticking out of my boob, I’m still encouraged to nurse on that side and the wound leaks breastmilk 24/7. I saw my surgeon yesterday and he told me it has to stay in for at least another week, maybe two.  I’m so passionate about breastfeeding, but my supply has been seriously compromised so I right now I can just hope for the best. I know my other side will ramp up to make enough to feed the baby and he’s gaining weight (although a little more slowly), so fingers crossed.

I’m still taking oral antibiotics, pain killers, and have added in lecithan. I’m eating yogurt to keep some good bacteria in my system. I feel better each day, and can’t wait until I’m back to normal again. 

When I was researching my symptoms online, I couldn’t find anything about mastitis without the fever and achiness, so when I consulted with people over the phone, they didn’t think it had progressed that far, but one nurse in the hospital (my favorite) thinks I’d actually had mastitis for a few weeks. We still aren’t sure if it was the clogged ducts or some other bacteria that caused the infection (Felix has never latched really well on that side and that could have been a major factor). I guess we’ll never know. The redness was the only indicator and I wish I had gone in sooner. I never, ever, want to be in the hospital like that again. 

I had my phone with me by my hospital bed and I just want all of you who emailed, sent fb messages or commented on instagram or facebook that your notes and stories meant so much to me. I felt so hopeless and afraid and evenutally I’ve been getting stronger and stronger (although still on bed/couch rest). It’ll all be over soon and I can finally get back to just being a parent.

And finally, speaking of parenting, what would I do without my husband? He has been a saint over the past week - caring for Felix full time, sleeping at the hospital with me all of those nights, doing all of the laundry, grocery shopping and cooking, changing my bandages, administering my pills at the right times and just being a loving, kind man and supporting me emotionally. He’s been everything to me over the past week and a half and totally living up the “in sickness and in health” promise we made to each other when we got married. I am such a lucky woman to have him.

Now… I have a smiling baby to go play with!

UPDATE: Read Part II HERE.