mother's day post

This morning I woke up stressed about the day before it even started. I’ve got no agenda - it’s just me and the baby all day long. All. Day. Long. And he’s pushing up two tiny teeth and not in the best of moods, but I wouldn’t feel so hot either if I were in his shoes. Not exactly the brightest way to start a Mother’s Day post, huh?

The truth of it is this. Motherhood is two faced. There are the highest of highs and the lowest lows. Sometimes it seems like they both occur on the same day or even at the same moment.

But right now Felix is playing with some junk mail (what’s with babies and paper?) quietly at my feet, so I actually. Wait. Stop. No. Pause. He actually just decided he needed to use the bathroom so I ran him upstairs, he uses the potty, fresh diaper. We’re all good.

Ok. Back in front of my laptop. It’s hard to keep my train of thought very long when a baby’s in the room. He’s got demands, yo! I want this! I want that! Gimme the remote so I can change the channel he murmurs in his goofy baby talk.

So where was I? The part where I focus on how great motherhood really can be. The smiles and the coos and the interaction that are part of our world now. The part where you get to discover the big HUGE world again, because you’re seeing it for the second time through a child’s eyes.

There’s the sweet, gentle moments when he’s sleeping on my chest and flops his head back and forth until he’s found just the right spot to settle into sleep. Or the little two tooth smile he makes when he gets eye contact, as if to say “mama, I love you the most.”

It’s really the moments between moments, the unremarkable little instances that make me love this job.

This Sunday isn’t my first mother’s day. I’ve been celebrating my own mom for 32 years, but this is the first time I really, truly understand everything she did for me. It’s easy to remember the fun stuff, but now I really see all of the love from the space between birthday cakes and trips to the fabric store and playing beauty shop. I was made to be her daughter and she was made to be my perfect mother, and in the same way Felix was made for me and I was made for him.

I finally understand how selfless, exhausting, uplifting and joyful a mother’s work is. And it’s a job that I wouldn’t trade for the world.

Happy Mother’s Day.